Saturday, April 3, 2010

Time in a Bottle

What started out as an innocent invitation to enjoy the spring weather, sand and saltwater, quickly turned into captured moments and sanity regained. "Let it Go" was the mantra of today. Without words, only actions, time was suspended allowing my body a chance to relax. This family, so bold, so confident, so aware and self preserved took me to a place where nothing else mattered. There was no 'fast track', no deadlines, no crashing stress and no worry. It was as if time was placed in a bottle released only by whimsical laughter, splashes of water, subtle glances, nap time and simple pleasures. It has been a long time since I was able to just 'be'. I left my phone at the condo, silenced, as if by some stretch of the imagination, it could ring me from a few miles up the road. A ring tone in my beach bag nearly stopped my heart until I realized it wasn't my phone. For a brief tense moment, I was suspicious of who might be on the other end. Was it someone looking for me that KNEW I was trying to be 'unavailable'? Silly, but sharp. I need to look into that.

Watching my son captivates me. Screams of chilled delight in the too cold waves of pre-summer play massaged my soul. He collapses onto a lounge chair and gently breathes "this is a really good day" over and over. In his way, thankful we made today National Jacob and Mommy Day.

Stress eased away when Jacob slowly allowed the slight crashing of the waves take him into dreamland. He slept most of the late afternoon with his head in my lap, curled in a beach towel. The remaining balance of the dream was spent lying on my chest in a beach chair. When he awoke, he had a glamorous tale of swimming with me and the good sharks that 'didn't eat us!'. "Let it Go". The signs were everywhere. I felt as if I had been transported into another world. A place where 'normal' people live. Barking dogs, little children, crashing waves, sandy feet, Frisbee, beach balls and young people sent me into a trance. I like this. My breathing got slower, easier.

This invitation was the best thing that could have happened to me. It was an invitation to relax, regroup and unwind. To remind me that I didn't need to try to BE somebody, I already WAS. And to that effect, it didn't even matter that much. So why care? I had wound myself up into a ball of stress, for what? Calls will get answered, emails taken care of, and projects delivered on-time with a smile.

I started to take note. My best friend and her family welcoming mine into the fold of 'normal'. As Jacob stated a few nights back, 'what color is normal?'. It's the color of family, the color of sand, water, wind and love. Paying attention to kindness and not 'behaving'. Allowing simple freedom of play to just happen. Not much has to be said. So this is the addiction? Ok. I get it. Without words, only actions, life is happening. Subtle hints of love and caring. As Jacob lays down to rest again, his only words: "mommy, you gave me so much love today". And I was given so much in return.

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