Thursday, May 13, 2010

Mommies New Babies

This time, I am prepping for my Pre-Cougar status for the next few years until I move into MILF and then onto the Legendary COUGAR...Here is how I spent my mother's day!

I wanted to take a moment to let you all know I am recovering extremely well.  Everyone that called or texted me before during and after made me smile and even more at ease.  My family and best friend Summer and Jill were on watch due to my families extensive schedules....Summer snuck into the recovery room (forbidden) labeled as my sister and was there to greet me as I came to (which I do not really remember).  I remember Joanna ( my real sister) wiping my face and cleaning my skin, brushing my hair and Summer tending to my feet and hands.  I was very pampered.  Joel arrived into Houston LATE that night so Summer took the task of tending to me overnight (a task she is familiar with at any drugged level *wink*).  I was comforted to know that our earlier training sessions of moving me around at a dead sleep and giving me juice and pain meds PAID OFF.  Thanks Summer Bummer!  I don't remember much else except coming in and out and them forcing me to suck air into my lungs so I 'didn't die'.  Hmmmm.  I did my job and of course that forced me to cough.  You will clinch at WHY that wasn't tops on the list in a moment.  I was also forced to get up and WALK and the next day take a COLD SHOWER.  Who didn't they want to DIE?  Pretty sure it was the gal next door b/c I was DEFINITELY being TORTURED.  Poor Jill was there as my witness and decided that it was a 'bit too much' and I don't blame you.  Tammy and Mom took care of Jacob for an extended period of time and I am ever grateful.  Mom or NANA is a legendary Cougar and has already achieved GOLD STAR status.

So, plan to slip in a tummy tuck turned into major abdominal surgery, a three day hospital stay that I extended to four (Thank God) and now recovering to tell you all the mystical story of Franken-Titty!  My intent to regain my body post Jacob and breast feeding...

I can't stand up straight. He took 5.5 liters of fat ( equal to 2 and a half two liter bottles of coke) and also 3.5 pounds of skin and ALL four of my stomach tattoos.  Yes, folks! Blare the latino music and a James Bond theme song and you have a rough idea of the Octopussy, Flaming Sun and Chinese Two Characters that meant "Dangerous Woman" or "Moo-Goo Gai Pan" you pick. They will be sorely missed and I can qualify the sorely part.  The breasts are great but took 'second base' (plug for Jill Vidal - buy a shirt and support breast cancer).  The really fun part was that my muscles are sewn together from breast bone to pubic bone coupled with a hip to hip bikini line black suture smiley face.  I am sewn so tight that I am huntched over and SLOWLY I am starting to stretch back out again.  Stressing the word SLOWLY here.  You can imagine my terror when they asked me to PEE and COUGH up a lung.  Thank GAWD I wasn't having a sneezing fit or had that much fluid in my lungs from the surgery.

Mom and Dad got to be there for my first SHOWER!  It lasted about 5 minutes max and I am pretty sure I almost fell on top of the nurse three times.  Currently, I am sporting the latest fashion is drainage bulbs that siphon the remaining fluid and fat from my middle section.  They are coming straight out of my NEW va - jeh jeh!  Now I REALLY know what it's like to have a couple of balls hanging between my legs.  Looking forward to cutting them off soon.  I DO KNOW, I will not be eating BACON GREASE anytime soon!  Yum-O!

I am walking more today and taking pain meds only at night.   My energy level is good and I feel better and better.  I see the Doctor tomorrow at 3pm and will let you all in on the update!

Can't wait for my new costumes.....!  Wonder Woman!

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