Monday, August 23, 2010

New Days Dawning

So here you go again...I blink and there you are.  Bigger, thicker, stronger, more sensitive.  It's amazingly sad to watch you go, I can't take my eyes off you.  My world moves fast with you in it. My baby is dying and my young man is thriving.  How can five years be so old?  Where did it go?  Right now, my soul is in slow motion.  My heart is terrorizing time and forcing each second to slowly come to a stop.   With all the hustle and bustle, I forgot to slow myself down long enough to allow this moment to seep in.  And here, in the darkness of the morning, I catch my breath.  Breathing is a luxury I don't generally take.  Even now, I write this holding it.  Every breath means another second of life lived.  It's outstanding to wonder how little pockets of time literally crawl to a stop, forcing me to live in the moment.  Your moments and mine relived.  Your growth is deep and meaningful and forces me to recognize those lost moments in time.  See them, hear them, live them, with you, all over again. How deliciously evil is this life?  I get a chance to reclaim myself through you.  A do-over, if you will.

Today was the last day I knew you as you were and I am excited about who you are about to become.  It's surreal to ponder this long life lived as tears fill my eyes.  My mommy duties are gearing up and new days are dawning.  Lunch packed, backpack filled, lists checked, forms filled, shots taken, teeth clean, hair cut (mommy style), new clothes set out, new shoes waiting for little feet, all is right, plan in place.  I think. And tomorrow, just like that, we will walk together as we always do, down the hall and into something new.  This new day dawns on me too.  Wonderful surprises, tough situations, enormous pressures, new relationships, fabulous experiences, vast memories.  It's today, sweet baby, that you leave the nest on another flight.  This journey, different from the last, will be exciting for us all.  And much like the road from whence you came, this journey alike will be filled with love, laughter and joy. 

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